how am i supposed to view people?

late nights make my mind wonder too far away and think too much about things that i shouldn't think too much about.

people always say that there's always positive and negative values about every individual. and we're always encouraged to view the person thru his positive values. then how is it so that we tend to view him thru his negative values only? what do we do if he unknowingly to himself, does not show his positive ones to us? note that i'm giving him the benefit of the doubt--im saying that he doesn't show us his positive values, not that he's showing us directly his negative ones.

communication--is very underrated. it is THE most important thing ever in anything concerning human relations. do not rely on silent communication alone-- you will miss out on a lot of things, and your mind will make weird and incorrect decisions about things. you'll be very confused about the actual situation, and mix it up with your pre-made decisions about that particular thing. the worst part is that sometimes the actual situation and the one in your head actually tally--that's when you start doubting yourself, start thinking back about stuff..basically short-circuit the wires in your mind trying to figure out what's actually what. in other terms, this can also be called-- mental torture. mind games where the players and you, yourself and you. im not kidding. i've gone thru so many rounds, and each round i don't know who's the winner. i won some, i lost others. sometimes im me, sometimes im my inner demon(s).

for so long i was in this on-going dilemma. i never could put my finger on the cause of it. few days ago it just hit me--i was second choice all along. 2nd fiddle. actually i think i knew it all along..but just never quite accepted it. i couldn't put a term to it, couldn't find a name to call it, but it dawned on me finally. now that i found a name for it, it finally fits everything that has happened, it explains everything. i knew i had to come to terms with it, but i couldn't until i knew why it was like that.

excuse me while i sort out my mind...it's messed up..